The Weight of the Current

Growing up, you come to realize that nothing worth having comes easy. In order to find success, you often need to be willing to go outside of your comfort zone. It wasn’t until recently that I discovered sometimes, trying to push against the current only leaves you depleted of all your energy; exhausted. When you encounter times in your life where the strength of the current is resisting you more than you can swim , its important to be able to notice this. After several months, I have realized that the current in my life right now is much stronger than I can swim therefore, in order to go anywhere I need to start swimming with the current.

Making the decision to swim with the current was not easy. In a sense, I felt as if I was giving up, giving in, letting life win. I have always been a person to keep pressing on over and over until I received a favorable outcome. In the past, this method has always proved to be successful. Looking back to when I started running, I nearly passed out at every finish line my first year. After several doctors and several very poor races, we were able to get to the bottom of what was going on and I started to finally see success. This event in my life strengthened my belief that eventually you can win over the current. However, in some situations I think that the weight of the current is trying to tell you something, and it is important to listen.

This past semester, I tried a total of three times to go back to my college campus and live the life of a typical college student. After the first two failed attempts, I still was hopeful that I would be able to figure things out. I so badly wanted to have the college experience like everyone else my age. It was at my third attempt that I realized, that regardless of whether I was on campus or not, I was not going to have the typical college experience I was hoping for. I was reacting to every building on campus and couldn’t even find the energy to study, let alone go out with friends and have fun. I had to realize that if reacting to the buildings was taking my energy from studying, it was defeating my purpose of being in college in the first place.

As hard as it was, I had to make the decision to move back home and take my classes online. At first, it really did feel like I was giving up. But, after several weeks, I have realized that by taking online classes in a place where I am not constantly reacting I am able to think so much more clearly. Instead of depleting all my energy sitting in a “toxic” classroom, I had so much more energy left for what really mattered. For the first time in months I had energy left to study and some days, I even have the energy left to enjoy little things in life.

Although many situations in life force you to push against the current in order to find success, there are also moments where you have to let the current push you so you can conserve your energy for what really matters. Letting the current assist you is not giving up, in the end you are still reaching your goal. So don’t be afraid to travel with the current once in a while, because, the current doesn’t “win” unless you let it take you under.

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